“It’s not plagiarism, I changed the font”


Epson Printers (please don’t sue me)


Ok Epson. We really did have a good thing going.
Your 3200 series printer has served me well in the previous months, I like your typeface, and more importantly, that Honda NSX you guys sponsored in the 2008 Japanese Super GT Championship looked amazing.

But last night, that all changed.
This is the situation;
It’s 3am. A major chemistry assignment is due in approximately 6 hours time. I’m sleep deprived, mixing coffee with Red Bull, and desperately trying to avoid procrastination.

I finish the assignment. It’s done. All that’s left is to print.
This is where the problem starts.
The printer spits out a single page, before reporting a “Paper Jam”, immediately halting the print process. Fair enough.
However, on closer inspection, it become clear that there is no paper jam. The paper is loaded in the tray as per usual.

Forty Five minutes.
It took me forty five minutes of screaming at the printer, opening and closing the printer options panel, and staring at the distinct lack of a paper jam. I’ll admit, this was hard to deal with, but eventually, it roared back to life. The assignment was back on track.
But no.
As the final page spewed into the document tray, one thing became clear.
There was no ink.

After searching desperately through drawers of crap, and perhaps sobbing a little, more cartridges were found, Hallelujah. The torture was over.

No it wasn’t. My technical understanding of printers is limited, so bear with me. As I tried to replace the cartridge, certain that victory was near, came a whirring noise. You know the thing that holds the cartridge? Yeah. It came to life, and suddenly decided to move to the left at like 800 miles an hour. This sudden movement caused a sharp edge of the holder to run against the palm of my hand, creating a cut, which proceeded to bleed absolutely everywhere, including in my tea. My freaking tea.

As the clock ticked past 4am, muffled sobs could be heard, and a figure could be seen curled into the fetal position, seeking refuge under a desk.

In summary, Epson printers singled handedly ruined my life, in the space of about two hours. I vow not to use any of their products ever again until at least this time tomorrow.

Moral of the story:
The assignment was meant to be submitted electronically, and I am the purest form of stupidity.